The Digimon Rant
by Persona
Summary: Taichi does his take on the "I Am Canadian" rant. Also introduces the 4th Wall Bar and Grill. There's also a special announcement for anyone who likes the idea of the 4th Wall inside. Please R


Persona: Hello everyone! I've just been hit by inspiration!  
  
Taichi: Or was it the twelve pack of Jolt you just polished off?  
  
Persona: Probably both. Anyway, I've just read Star Otaku's Saiyan and Namek rants, which  
play off of the now famous "Canadian rant", and were both very funny. Then I thought to myself  
There should be a Digimon rant too!  
  
T.K.: In other words, Persona+caffine= One odd fic.  
  
Persona: Very true..... HEY! Anyway, to stave off the angry lawyers, here are the disclamers. I do not, in any way, shape, or form own Digimon. Though I wish I did. The Canadian Rant is owned by Molson, who I would like to thank for giving us our "new national battle cry" as Star Otaku put it. I do however own The 4th Wall bar and grill, an idea I hope to use in future fics. If anyone wants to use The 4th Wall in any of their stories I have nothing against it, just let me know you're using it okay?  
  
One final note, there's a bit of an announcement at the end of the story. Please take the time to look it over.  
  
The Digimon Rant  
  
By: Persona  
  
*****  
  
The 4th Wall. Known everywhere as the barrier that separates acters from their audience, fantasy from reality, fact from fiction. It's also known as the bar and grill fictional characters from all over the multiverse stop at to have something to drink, grab a bite to eat, relax, and meet with authors who want to hire them to star in their fanfics. The irony of the establishment's name has not been overlooked.  
  
Today was a day pretty much like any other, with characters from all over the multiverse taking it easy. Ryoko and #18 were locked in a friendly arm wrestling match. Ryoga had asked Tenchi for directions to the bathroom about an hour ago. He hasn't been seen since. Cloud Strife and Squall Leonheart were engaged in a quiet game of pool.  
  
"Nice shot."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"You missed."  
  
"I don't really care."  
  
The ocasional passerby would look at the two for a bit and walk off wondering if those two were EVER out of character.  
  
Off in the dining area, some of the cast of Dragonball Z got a table and looked over their menus. After about two minutes, Goku frowned.  
  
"How come they got rid of the buffet? It was only introduced last week!"  
  
"Because you ordered it and nearly put the place out of buisness." Piccolo replied with a smirk, causing a small fit of laughter at Goku's expence.  
  
Over by the bar, Vegeta was having a game of darts with Sephiroth. Sephiroth having just scored a bullseye.   
  
"HA! Try and top that Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta maintained his composure, but became a Super Saiyan and let his dart fly, shreading Sephiroth's dart to nothing and tearing a hole in the wall.  
  
"Lucky shot."  
  
About that time they heard someone at the bar fall to the floor screaming in pain.  
  
"AAAHHHHHH!!! MY LEG!"  
  
Those who looked saw Van Fanel on the floor, unable to stand due to some great pain in his leg.  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
After saying that Vegeta looked out the hole his dart left in the wall and noticed that it went through the leg of Escaflone, which was standing along side Wing Zero and Eva 01 in the giant mech parking lot.  
  
"Send me the bill!" Vegeta called to Van who was being helped out of the 4th Wall by Allen and Hitomi.  
  
"Well, now I know where all the money from my next fanfic appearance is going." Vegeta said dejectedly as he sat himself down at the bar, feeling the sudden urge for a drink.  
  
"The hell is this?" He asked after looking over the list of drinks the 4th Wall served.  
  
Vash the Stampeed, who was also working as the 4th Wall's bartender, came up to Vegeta.  
  
"Something I can help you with?"  
  
"Yeah, this drink inbetween the 'Gunblade' and 'Twin Buster Rifle', what the hell is a 'Haim Saban'?"  
  
"Ah yes, the Haim Saban, one of our new drinks. A mixture of Vodka, Rum, Tequila, Brandy, Scotch, Irish Cream, and some concotion Washu made to make it tast like whatever the person who's drinking it wants. Not for the faint of constitution, this is for people who want to drink themselves to another dimension."  
  
Vegeta looked on wide eyed, not believing what he just heard, and feeling the urge to drink rise a little more.  
  
*****  
  
"So, how did Fallen Hope turn out?" Takeru asked.  
  
The cast of Digimon and Persona had been having lunch while discussing possable future fanfics.  
  
"Not bad, those who reviewed it said they liked it, one even asked for a sequel. Looks like we'll be working together for a bit then."  
  
"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Taichi asked.  
  
"I'm not sure," Persona replyed. "possably both, depends on what I write."  
  
The conversation would have continued normally, save for the fact that a horrible sound was being projected throughout the room they were in.  
  
"What in the name of all that's holy is that horrible sound?" Persona asked, holding his ears. "I think my ears may start bleeding!"  
  
Indeed, most of the patrons of the 4th Wall were having simillar thoughts, and soon found the source of the problem.  
  
"It looks like Ranma and Duo are attempting karaoke again." Koushiro said.  
  
That they were, Ranma and Duo were up on stage attempting to sing 'Rawhide', and failing miserably.  
  
"Some people shouldn't be allowed within ten miles of a karaoke machine." Mimi said, with others agreeing.  
  
About then, Taichi felt a tug on the leg of his pants. He looked down and saw Pilika from Suikoden 2.  
  
"Excuse me mister, can't you use a Pikachu and zap them or the machine?"  
  
Taichi looked at the girl and frowned.   
  
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to talk to Satoshi. I work on Digimon, not Pokemon."  
  
"Digimon, Pokemon, what's the difference? They're both monster shows." She said as she walked off.  
  
"What's the difference?" Taichi said to no one in particular, his right eye starting to twitch. "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?! Digidestined are nothing like Pokemon trainers!"  
  
"Well then, tell them how you feel about it." Yamato said.  
  
"Oh, how?"  
  
"Well, there's the stage Ranma and Duo are using. I'm sure the other patrons won't mind if you take it away from them."  
  
The others at the table hastily started nodding in agreement.  
  
Thinking *What the hell? Why not?* Taichi left the table, got on stage, and 'gently' pushed Ranma and Duo off the stage and killed the music. The 4th Wall then erupted with cheers and applause. During the commotion, Taichi picked up the microphone and addressed the crowd.  
  
"Excuse me! I have something I'd like to say!"  
  
"SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!"  
  
*Well,* thought Taichi, *here it goes.*  
  
  
  
"I am not a Monster Rancher or a Pokemon Trainer.  
  
I live in an apartment, eat anything but my mother's cooking, and own a soccer ball.   
  
I know Mimi, Jyou, and T.K. from Odiba, and I'm sure they're very nice.   
  
I have a Digivice, not a Tamagotchi.  
  
I speak Japanese, not American. Though it seems Haim Saban can't tell the difference! (Persona: Don't believe him? Watch the Digimon 02 episode: "The Samurai of Sincerity" and see for yourself!)  
  
I call it Digivolving, not transforming.  
  
I can proudly wear my crest around my neck.  
  
I believe in defending, not conquering; re-formating, not death, and that oversized spikes are a proud and noble hairstyle. (Vegeta and Goku: Preach on brother!)  
  
Goggles are superior eyeware.  
  
Daisuke is a clone. (Daisuke: HEY!)  
  
And it's Taiora, OK, not Michi, Taito, Taianything else, Taiora.  
  
The digital world is a firk'n HUGE land mass, keeps authors everywhere busy, and supplys FanFiction.net with its largest archive of stories. (Sora: Now there's a shameless plug.)  
  
My name is Taichi, and I am a Digidestined.  
  
Thank you."  
  
  
  
After about a moment of silence, the place erupted in cheers again. Feeling satisfied, Taichi got off the stage and returned to his table.  
  
"You know Yamato, you were right. I feel a whole lot better now."  
  
Persona patted him on the back.  
  
"Congratulations on joining the ever growing group of people who have bastardized Molson's Canadian rant Taichi."  
  
Hikari leaned over to Takeru and started whispering to him.  
  
"You think we should tell him that everyone's cheering because Ranma and Duo finally shut up?"  
  
"Nah, let him have his moment."  
  
*****  
  
There you have it. The first of hopefully many tales from the 4th Wall.  
  
Now for the special announcement. Do you want to visit the 4th Wall? Well you can! The 4th Wall is a place for characters AND authors to meet during off hours and talk, have something to drink, grab a bite to eat, or to have authors discuss hiring characters to star in their stories.  
  
But I will not start mentioning authors in the 4th Wall without their permission. So if you want to make a camio, or have a full blown scene, simply e-mail me and let me know. Writing your own scenes is welcome and encouraged. Simple camios require little more than "This is who I am, this is what I'm doing."   
  
Those who write in will get their scenes shown in my upcoming series: "Tales from the 4th Wall". The only rule is to keep it tasteful, anything like "This is who I am, and I score with so and so..." will be promptly tossed in the trash. That and I reserve the right of editing for content.  
  
Sorry for such a long end piece, but I had to get that out of the way. I hope to hear from a few of you sometime in the furure. Until then, ja ne!  
  
E-mail Persona: neo_persona@hotmail.com 


End file.
